The Crazy Thing Is...

Maybe it's the newness of it all. Maybe I like too hard. Maybe you're just too far. I'm not sure what it is, but it scares me. We can't physically be together due to extenuating circumstances, but I like the possibility. It's something different that you do to me. I'm frightened by the thought that you and me could never be. But I'm more afraid of what we could possibly grow to be. I guess I'll just have to stay tuned to see. All I know is you remain by my side whenever I try to run. I like that. Call me what you want. I can't even front. The crazy thing is...what we have, we can't even flaunt. I hate that. What am I to do? How am I to feel? How do I know that this is even real? I build walls to protect myself from people like you. However, not too many choose to help me break those walls down. So, why do you stick around? I'm pushing you away, but yet you remain. Why? What do you have to gain? I don't know what we're doing. I don't know your thoughts. I just know that I'm happy. The crazy thing is....you think you've trapped me, but I like being caught.

~ Kidd  

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When My Brother Stood
By: Me (Ryan G.) 

(Inspired by Essex Hemphil: When My Brother Fell)

When my brother stood

Fear took hold of his body

And tears embraced his face

It was at that moment that I knew

His life would never be the same

As I was able to feel his anxiety in

My own bones

He was already fragile

Yet prepared for stones to be thrown

Years of trying to fit

Needing to blend in

Afraid because nobody cared enough to

Defend him

But now, now he was prepared to lose it all

In order to gain every piece of himself

He was willing to be nude

In order to feel fully clothed and protected in himself

He was ready to leave

In order to arrive once again as himself

So as my brother stood

I reached out to hold his hand

Afraid to look into his eyes

Fearing what that could mean

But I reached out in hopes of touching

His soul

But as our hands met, I felt a sense

Of familiarity

And as our eyes finally met

I realized that I knew him

As more than simply my brother

He was my reflection

He was my story

He was my soul

He was me

And as my brother stood

I was encouraged to find my home

Next to him

Both of us facing a ten foot wall

Both of us standing twenty feet tall

Fearing the unknown

But accepting the freedom

The weight that had been suffocating us

For years and years

Had finally been lifted

And we were breathing

Breathing deep breaths of

Happiness

Exhaling immense amounts of self-hate

He found himself

I claimed myself

We accepted ourselves

So when my brother stood

I stood as well

And promised to never let him stand alone

Because this too was my battle

~ Kidd   

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"Straight Americans need… an education of the heart and soul. They must understand - to begin with - how it can feel to spend years denying your own deepest truths, to sit silently through classes, meals, and church services while people you love toss off remarks that brutalize your soul."

~   Bruce Bawer