Now, I'm just gonna dive right in and say I've been single for about 5-6 years now...
...the catch is that I'm 21, I'm a student, and I'm focused on a goal. So at this point in my life I feel like I need to be selfish. I need to be stingy. I need to keep my life to myself. Nope, I'm not willing to share. Being single doesn't equate loneliness though...when I think about it, there have plenty of times when I've been with someone and felt as if I was the only one there. Honestly, it has given me time to know how to be alone. I've talked to other college students about their relationships and constantly find myself asking: "Why are you still in that relationship?" They're clearly not happy, but they can't see themselves being without their "loved" one. GET OUTTA HERE! How is it that some people don't know how to be single at the ages of 20, 21,and 22?? I just don't get it. Now is the time, as many people would say, to find yourself, to know yourself, and to learn to like yourself--not just love yourself...you can love yourself to death, but if you can't like yourself WHAT'S THE POINT?? If you don't like you, no one else will; not even the guy/girl that you supposedly love.
It's not that I've completely closed myself off to the idea of a relationship, I'm not blind or anything, but I just don't have the need/want to be in a relationship. When I tell people this, I usually get one of two reactions: 1) You're missing out, you're not having any fun, or 2) Good, you need to stay focused(I admit I truly do appreciate when people can understand where I'm coming from). College is not about entering meaningless relationships and participating in casual hookups...I'm not knocking those who have truly found that special someone or enjoy indulging in a one-night stand...but for me college is about getting an education and learning the most I can in the short time frame of 4 years. Some think, "But can't you do both?" I could, but will it kill me not to? Am I doing any harm to myself by having a little tunnel vision?? No, and the best thing about it is that I'm not at risk of throwing myself off track. Even if I do get a little lost, at least I have no one else to blame but myself. HOWEVER, if I were to get into a relationship and lose focus, then I would grow to regret the person I was with. It, of course, doesn't have to be that way, but there's always that strong possibility, right?? I think so.
Now, God willing, my life will not end after I graduate so there's no need to stress and force something that has great potential to end with two people going their separate ways. Why can't I wait and find that someone that I know is on the same path as me: family and career oriented, grad school(possibly law school), and knows how to like their self...I'm not saying I can't find that now, but I'm not sure I would be capable of giving myself freely to someone else. I think I'm better off staying single and focused...unless God places a brick wall in front of me in the shape of a beautiful angel on earth lol.
Sometimes you have to stand alone to prove that you can still stand
Sincerely,
Kidd
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