Maybe it's the newness of it all. Maybe I like too hard. Maybe you're just too far. I'm not sure what it is, but it scares me. We can't physically be together due to extenuating circumstances, but I like the possibility. It's something different that you do to me. I'm frightened by the thought that you and me could never be. But I'm more afraid of what we could possibly grow to be. I guess I'll just have to stay tuned to see. All I know is you remain by my side whenever I try to run. I like that. Call me what you want. I can't even front. The crazy thing is...what we have, we can't even flaunt. I hate that. What am I to do? How am I to feel? How do I know that this is even real? I build walls to protect myself from people like you. However, not too many choose to help me break those walls down. So, why do you stick around? I'm pushing you away, but yet you remain. Why? What do you have to gain? I don't know what we're doing. I don't know your thoughts. I just know that I'm happy. The crazy thing is....you think you've trapped me, but I like being caught.
"Straight Americans need… an education of the heart and soul. They must understand - to begin with - how it can feel to spend years denying your own deepest truths, to sit silently through classes, meals, and church services while people you love toss off remarks that brutalize your soul."
After watching Erykah Badu's video for Window Seat, and listening to the words she speaks at the end, it made me think how much we, as a society, tend to conform. Groupthink is a kind of conformity in which what is popular in a cohesive in-group becomes so dominant, so the norm, that it overrides appraisal of an alternative. In other words, individuality is looked down up while conformity is accepted and reinforced. In the video Erykah Badu stripped herself of everything holding her back, of everything making her like everyone else, of everything stopping her from being her true self...this was done in the form of her literally stripping and walking down the street. First off, the body is banging lol...but beyond that the concept was bananas. I mean imagine what it would be like if we could free ourselves from the social cobweb that traps us and keeps us from reaching our full potential. Think about it, by conforming to social norms instead being our individual selves and going against the grain, we are ultimately allowing society to dictate our actions and, even worse, limit our minds. So often we, myself included, are afraid to go against what is popular because we fear that rejection, we fear being part of the out-group--as if being part of the out-group is punishment for doing something different. But why do we fear being different? Because society tells us that it's wrong. At the end of the video, Badu is shot and the word "groupthink" spills onto the ground. Her character was assassinated after stripping down and being noticed for her individuality. Wow individuality leading to character assassination...who'da thunk it? The sad thing is that it's true...we are put down, pushed to the side, and dismissed when we choose to go against what is accepted and expected and, instead, allow ourselves to be free and live freely. Think about it.
"Sometimes you have to forgo doing what's popular in order to do what's right."
So I'm not one to get too deep into politics, I mean I know what I'm for and I know what I'm against, but at the same time my life does not revolve around picking apart every little political issue. So I'm not gonna get all deep in this post...just briefly stating my opinions and movin on.
Over the weekend President Obama made history by passing the Healthcare Bill, which is something I support wholeheartedly. What boggles my mind is the backlash it has received. I understand that there are fundamental differences between democrats and republicans, but listening to some of the arguments against this bill leaves me asking the question: Huh? Lol, seriously, I try to listen to the points they make, but the main thing that I keep hearing is that mandating healthcare isn't the responsibility of the government....yet it's okay for states to mandate auto insurance and (if some could have it their way) it would be okay for government to regulate who we can/can't marry? Some may say that these are very different things and they might be right, but in my opinion they're pretty much the same. So I'm over that argument. It. Doesn't. Make. Sense.
Then, a lot of people argue that universal healthcare is so dreadfully wrong...is it really? So the idea of everyone being able to seek and receive health care is....bad? Silly rabbits, that's a little selfish isn't it? Everyone deserves to be able to see a doctor when they need to.The End. Now, I may be alone in my opinions, and that's alright, but my heart is large (figuratively speaking) and I would give the shirt off my back to someone in need, so if I have to pay for someone else to receive health care all I ask is that you show me a receipt lol. Honestly, money doesn't matter to me that much because when my time on Earth is over, that money is not coming with me. Maybe I'm being naive in my thinking, but the amazing thing is that I'm allowed to be. Which brings me to the disgusting actions that took place over the weekend that should never be allowed or accepted at any time.
Are you really calling people Niggers and Faggots and baby killers and spitting on people because you disagree with their ideology? I can't even try to comprehend the thought process some of you have....and you're supposed to be adults who want to be listened to, taken seriously, and who want to have input....C'mon son calm down you're making yourself look bad. Look, we're all allowed to have our opinions, but more importantly we all deserve to be respected. Dialogue is great, but when hate is infused it becomes way too personal and nothing gets accomplished. So let's continue to have an open dialogue, healthy disagreement, but let's also remember to remain respectful and tactful. I'm Done. Politics...maybe I just don't get it.
I woke up this morning and turned on the radio. What did I hear? A clip of Al Sharpton going in on Tavis Smiley! It was sad, but very entertaining. Here's the back-story (from what I could gather):
Tavis is completely against President Obama being in office. He believes the President should have a Black agenda. Rev. Al Sharpton likes President Obama and made a statement saying President Obama is smart not to ballyhoo "a Black agenda." Tavis misconstrued that statement and it justifiably irritated Rev. Sharpton.
There's nothing worse than having your words changed around to something you don't really agree with (well I'm sure there's something worse, just not for this blog lol). So here's the main theme of the disagreement: Should the President have a Black agenda? My response: Not really.
Why? Because he's not just our(people of the Black community) President! He's the U.S. President, which means he should have an agenda that works for everyone. Not to say that he shouldn't remember us at all, but we shouldn't expect him to have an agenda that works only for us, simply because he's Black. Rev. Al Sharpton said it best: "The president doesn't need to get out there and do what we should be doing." If we want something to happen for us, we need to get out there and make it happen ourselves and stop trying to put the blame for nothing happening on someone else. He already has the right-wing down his back complaining about every little thing he does, if anything we need to stand together and support him as much as we can. By going against him, we give the right side more fuel. We don't need that!
And why are we looking for the President's recognition anyway? I constantly hear people (mainly Black people) saying, "the President's doing a good job, BUT what about us?" I ask, "What about us?!?!" What do we want the President to do? It's not like he's completely ignoring us. He knows what he has to do. He knows who he is. He has a strong Black wife and beautiful Black children. He will never be able to forget about us! I don't believe we should place emphasis on race, but we don't need to push it to the side either. Trust me, I'm all for addressing racial issues head on. However, in the end, it's not just President Obama's job to address Black issues, it's our job as a community; if anyone should be feeling the heat it's all of us. So should the President have a Black agenda? Thanks, but No Thanks. Of course he should remember us, but not focus solely on Black issues directly.
What do you think?
"Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress"
If you don't know, I'm from Jerzii. I love it and I probably miss it more than I should. Do I want to live there again?? Never. I loved growing up there, and when I visit I feel at home, but I know it's not where I'm meant to live anymore. However, I know for a fact that I'm supposed to be up north somewhere. Coincidentally, the majority of law schools that I'm applying to are in New York and Massachusetts(mainly the Boston area). I'm not comfortable in Georgia at all...I feel like something's missing in my life down here. I think it's that excitement that the city life has to offer. I think it's the diversity(depending on where you go) that I'm missing. Sure I'm a laid back type of dude, but I long for the upbeat, fast-paced atmosphere that I just can't find down here. I'm not sure people understand how bad I want this to happen. Like, have you ever wanted something so bad that it hurt? Have you ever daydreamed about being somewhere only to come to reality and find yourself extremely disappointed? That's how I feel...this move just has to happen for me. I mean if it doesn't my life won't end, but I won't live up to my potential down here...everybody should be given the opportunity to live up their potential. So, I'm declaring right now...by August/September I WILL be on my way to a city up north.
"The city's got the right name-New York. Nothing ever gets old around here."
Fact #2: My money can't always afford the clothes I digg
Fact #3: It's not about what you can't buy, it's about being fly with what you can Fact #4: When the money does get right, the world will probably dislike me and my flyness lol
Anyway, check out this crazy fly Fall/Winter 2010 Collection by Kitsune
With You
Sometimes I don't know how to express myself
Like, I want to pour my heart out to you but
I can never find the right words to say
I wish I could look you in the eyes and
Say something like
If there's one "holiday" I don't care much for it's Valentine's Day. Not because I'm single or anything, I'm beyond that lol, but because there's too much emphasis on showing how much you love someone just for today. What about showing your love and appreciation every day? Men, why not do something special for your lady daily...whether it's cooking a meal, giving her a massage, or just listening to how her day went! Ladies, show your man how much appreciate having him in your life every single day...a nice comment/compliment can go a long way, talk to him about sports, or do that one thing that he likes you to do! Whatever it may be, show your loved one that you care about them all the time, not just on the day you're supposed to. I just feel like when/if you truly love someone, everyday should feel like Valentine's Day...then again I'm young so what do I know lol
For those of us single people...you can still celebrate the day by doing something special for yourself...being single doesn't mean you can't have fun on Valentine's Day! So if you wasted today being miserable, you always have next year lol. And always remember that if no one else shows us love or care, God has all the unconditional love and care we could ever need! That is truly the ultimate gift for EVERYONE!
P.S. Check out what the longest married couple had to say about love over ontwitter
Flying High
I opened the door, the wind
Hit my face, and suddenly I was
Flying high in the blue, through the
White, over the green, and under
The yellow; and maybe I'm crazy
But I wasn't afraid as there
Was this feeling of safety--like if I Were to veer off track, someone would right Me and everything would be okay--
Along with this sense of carelessness,
Because unlike the ground, there
Weren't any red lights, caution signs,
Pot holes, or road blocks hindering
My travel, only a few others in their
Own free flight; and then I realized
That I wasn't flying alone, God had
Been by my side the entire time
And we were on this journey together.
I was lucky enough to be part of a student panel for my mentor and a young lady asked "How do you begin to find your passion...besides taking different courses?" My response was "Do your research!" I told her to read about certain areas that interest her and to pay attention to the one that really spoke to her. That's how I realized that I had to be a lawyer. I did my research on clinical & counseling psychology, marriage and family therapy, public interest, and family law. Out of those 4, public interest and family law just fit. While I love psychology...might even go back to grad school for marriage and family therapy....i just can't see myself not being in the field of law. Almost every time I tell someone that I want to be a lawyer, one of the main questions is "why?" I can never give an elaborate answer so I give them the truth...it's in my heart and has been since I was kid. I honestly think it's what I was born to be. I was born to be some sort of advocate. It's just that simple. But, it might not seem that simple to you...
So ask yourself, "What's that one thing I was born to do? That one thing that has been sitting in my heart for who knows how long? That one thing, that no matter how much I try to push it to the side, it gets right back in my face?" That one thing is your passion/purpose. Maybe there are a few things....I, myself, have a few things that I know I have to do in life. Either way, when you find that one thing, don't ignore it! Go for it...don't just reach out and hope it reaches back for you...chase it down until you can grasp it. Ultimately, that will be a major part of your success and happiness. Success might not always equal happiness, but happiness always equals success when you really think about it...but maybe that's another discussion for another day lol. So, what's your passion?
- Kidd
"Follow your heart, but be quiet for a while first. Ask questions, then feel the answer. Learn to trust your heart."
I can’t take this anymore…You and me…We’re just not working out…All of the physical and emotional abuse that you put me through…On a daily basis…It’s not the way we should be…So I’m doing this for me…And no, I don’t want your sympathy…And I’m sure I’ll never have your empathy…So…I gotta go
I can’t keep hiding swollen, blood-shot eyes…Result of too many late night, depression stemmed cries…So just let me say my final good-bye’s: Good-bye to the razor sharp kisses on my wrist…Good-bye to the many different prescription candies you forced between my lips…Good-bye to those who never cared…And good-bye to those who were never there…I mean, I tried my hardest to be the person you wanted me to be…But that just wasn’t good enough for you…And now I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do…So…I gotta go
And no, this isn’t a suicide letter…Not a good-bye forever…Just a good-bye for now…Because somewhere, somehow…I lost control over the one thing I should know…Me…So I gotta go…And it hurts like hell but…I gotta go…I need to find myself again…And not even then…can we allow us to once again happen…because I deserve a life in which I can grow…a life in which I can smile…a life that’s certainly worthwhile…so there will be no tears as I walk away…There are no final words that I want to hear you say…Just know that I’m on my way and…I gotta go…I do wish you the best…And I pray that your next victim is blessed...With enough strength to pass your deadly test…But it won’t be me…Because…I gotta go.
So I'm loving life right now and I think I need to celebrate this new-found happiness!
I want another tattoo!
I don't know where/what/when, but I HAVE to get one. I already have three so this wouldn't be a new experience or anything but the rush is still pretty amazing. I'll try to explain lol. It's like being out of control while having complete control! The pain is inevitable (uncontrollable), but you learn to tolerate it(controllable). In life sometimes I have no control whatsoever, so to be able to say "I want this tattoo on this part of body" is kind of liberating. Especially knowing that it will be there forever...some say that's the downside of it, but if you get the right tattoo with some actual meaning behind, then you have a story/stories to tell for the rest of your life. The stories of my life...thus far lol...after the jump:
"Sometimes I feel like I don't belong anywhere, and it's gonna take me so long to get somewhere"
Have we not all at one point felt the exact way Ms. Keys so effortlessly expressed? I know I have. For the longest time I felt as if I was out of place in the world, yet I was constantly trying to get somewhere. Where? I had no idea but I just knew I had to get there.
"Sometimes I feel so heavy hearted, but I can't explain 'cause I'm so guarded"
I honestly spent years trying to explain myself to someone, anyone who would genuinely listen, but I had been burned--so I thought--by so many people that I couldn't really let anyone in. I walked around with a heavy heart, guarded by brick walls, metal doors, prison bars, bolt locks, and bullet proof glass. No one was gettin in! I put on a fake smile just about everyday and just hid my pain and dealt with it all by my lonesome.
"But that's a lonely road to travel, and a heavy load to bear"
Mind you, I'm only 21 and this pain had been with me for years...probably since elementary school. It was horrible. As a kid I was sort of outgoing and wanted to do normal kid stuff, but after I moved to GA I realized I was alone in my struggle. I became introverted. I was alone, but I thought I had to be alone. This was 8th grade. Then this idea that I was, and had to be, alone turned into me wanting to be alone. No one was good enough to be in my life, and those that were good enough were truly special people--most of which are still there. Unfortunately, I carried the notion of needing to be alone with me into college. It stopped me from enjoying life, plus I was literally starting to hate myself. I had to change with the quickness.
"And it's a long, long way to heaven, but I gotta get there"
After years and years of searching and questioning,I realized that ultimately I was trying to find my way to heaven, which had a lot to do with happiness. But in all that time, I was looking for it in the wrong places. I was trying to find happiness in the world around me, instead of looking towards God and finding the happiness within myself. Then, just recently, I said enough is enough, I have to be happy with myself and stop worrying about what others think of me...what people think of me is none of business! Now, I wish I could say I'm completely in that place but I'm not. I still fear judgment. I still expect the worst from people I meet. I still over-analyze many of the situations I'm in. The difference is, now, I'm happy with myself! No one can take that away. Nope, I won't let them. I can't go back to that lonely space again.
"Can you send an angel? Can you send me an angel to guide me?"
I spoke about a few special people that are good enough to be in my life, but honestly I feel like I'm lucky to have them in my life. I feel like they are my angels because no matter what they are the people I know will be there for me. A couple of them I've known since I was extremely young (my Jersey fam...especially two people that I will forever consider my brothers though we don't speak as often as we should lol), then there's my GA people that I always have good times and conversations with, and then of course there's my real family (they can be replaced by no one). I think these people are my angels. They've saved me without knowing it and I love them for that!
So after all of that, I want you to know that whatever you are going through, it will be okay. It might be hard and you might feel alone, but trust me you're not. If no one else is with you, God is, and I am too! Hold your head up high and know that you can make it.
**The struggle is merely the prelude to a kiss**
- Kidd
(P.S. The exact cause of my pain was left out on purpose lol)
"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity" ~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
I have this quote in my actual personal statement because it is simply the truth. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was a brilliant man who had the ability to open his mind and heart to what was happening with humanity. He realized that in order for this world to really move forward, we all have to do our part and help one another. It wasn't/isn't a Black and White thing, as much as it was, and still is, a human-to-human/brother-to-brother/sister-to-sister thing. He wanted us to stop turning our backs on each other with hate and lend a hand with love; if we could learn to do that everyday and stop living in our own little boxes, where all we see is our own little issues, then our community really would be a better place. We need to start helping regardless of what the next man is/isn't doing for us. We need to start loving regardless of the hate we see daily. We need to start giving regardless of whether we are ever on the receiving end. We need to start living. I understand that we live in an individualistic society, but that doesn't mean we have to live with our hearts closed. Now is the time to take a step back and think of the bigger picture. What is happening in the world? What are we contributing to humanity? Are we truly thinking of the broader concerns? Remember, Dr. King wasn't merely concerned with the racial problems of his community, he was simply concerned with theproblems of our communities and all of humanity. So I ask you: What are your concerns?
I was just talking to someone and I told them I was in school so I had to finish up some homework. This person says they were in school but they dropped out because it was too much work...
That, to me, is the worst excuse you can have for quitting. School is supposed to be a lot of work...YOU'RE THERE TO LEARN! What were you expecting?? If you have a dream, one that seriously resides in your heart and simply must be obtained, the road to it isn't going to be easy. If it is, you might be going after the wrong dream...marinate on that!
Example: Chris Gardner (Will Smith played him in the Pursuit of Happyness)...he pretty much went through hell to reach his goal. He was a single father, with just about no money. He dealt with setback after setback, but never gave up. He slept in a public restroom with his son simply because he was too stubborn to settle. Now, he's a self-made millionaire.
That's what it takes...you have to be stubborn in the face of adversity. If you give up every time things get tough, you'll never be successful (in terms of happiness) because you will always wonder: "What if I just held on for a little bit longer?" I've been there and I've vowed to never go there again. There are times now that I sit in my room and literally cry because life/school is hard but I have to keep going. It's the end result that pushes me just a little more. It's that vision that I get when I close my eyes. That feeling I get when I think about all that I've been through and where I know I'll end up. Ultimately, it's God. I make a lot of mistakes and I always will because I'm human, butthe one thing that I know I can control, for the most part, is my destiny. That's one part of my life where I can't allow myself to disappoint God. So the end-all-be-all is this:if you have a dream, expect the journey to be hard, but work hard to never quit. Remember, it's at that moment where you feel you want to give up that God is making moves, so just hold on and keep going. If you can't keep going then move out of the way and let someone who will, move in and take your spot.
I woke up this morning and felt the need to rant a little bit lol, so just sit with me for a minute! Please and Thank you.
Now, I'm just gonna dive right in and say I've been single for about 5-6 years now...
...the catch is that I'm 21, I'm a student, and I'm focused on a goal. So at this point in my life I feel like I need to be selfish. I need to be stingy. I need to keep my life to myself. Nope, I'm not willing to share. Being single doesn't equate loneliness though...when I think about it, there have plenty of times when I've been with someone and felt as if I was the only one there. Honestly, it has given me time to know how to be alone. I've talked to other college students about their relationships and constantly find myself asking: "Why are you still in that relationship?" They're clearly not happy, but they can't see themselves being without their "loved" one. GET OUTTA HERE! How is it that some people don't know how to be single at the ages of 20, 21,and 22?? I just don't get it. Now is the time, as many people would say, to find yourself, to know yourself, and to learn to like yourself--not just love yourself...you can love yourself to death, but if you can't like yourself WHAT'S THE POINT?? If you don't like you, no one else will; not even the guy/girl that you supposedly love.
By now, we've all heard of the devastating earthquake that has turned Haiti upside down. Of course, if you can, please donate whatever you can, there are plenty of organizations (do be careful though because there are some horrible people out there looking to make money for themselves, but God will deal them!). Now, if you can't give money or feel as though you simply have nothing physical to give (i.e. food, clothes, etc.), then please just say a prayer--it is truly the most amazing donation. It's time for us to stop thinking about our own personal struggles and think about those that are truly struggling...they honestly have nothing but hope. So, open your hearts and give the gift of prayer, it may seem like nothing, but trust me when I say it means a lot when you can put aside personal issues and simply think of others.
So this poem, which I wrote, isn't my favorite, nor is it my best, but it's true to my life and I think it's an appropriate beginning to a blog about change. Enjoy!
Introspection
Looking in the mirror
I never like what I see
I can’t stand the person
Staring back at me
I say mirror, mirror on the wall
If I hit you, you will fall
My image will shatter
Broken glass and all
But self-hate will stand
Proud and tall
Often times we look in the mirror and become afraid The image staring back represents that which we Try to hide in the shade And by choosing not to accept our true selves, We choose to live as empty shells
I live a lonely life,
No shame in that
It gives me time to think,
But I hate the flashbacks
A painful childhood left me
Bitter and cold
And to face that past again,
I’m not that bold
Instead I build walls
And pray they never fall
Sometimes we ignore the times in life that God needs us to confront We may even ask God what HE wants He wants us to look deep and remember His presence Remember He loved us in the past, and will do so in the present
Change is inevitable
Often regrettable
And always irreparable
And for those reasons alone, I hate it
I often sit with God, trying to debate it
I lose, He wins, taking that chance to
Show me why He’s the greatest
And that’s when I become a better me
For change is my cocoon hanging in the tree
Helping me grow the wings I need to be free
Life is about change, which is equivalent to growth We are often too afraid to take that first step When all we need is a little faith and hope We have to look inwards and find that inner strength And realize that we are capable of flying farther than we think.
Before I start actually blogging I just have a few things to say:
I've decided that I need to start over, begin anew if you will, not just with this blogging thing but with life in general. Yes, I have another blog over @ jerzii-thawtz.blogspot.com, but I can't nor do I want to keep up with it--it's really not my style anymore--so I'll probably shut it down. I love music and I love blogs that write about music,celebs, and things of that nature but I think I'm looking to do something more personal...hence the description "A Personal Statement." This blog will be about my life as I transition from college student to law school student, from young one to young male adult, from ignorant to enlightened, from smart to intellectual...my life is changing for the better. Through my transitions I want to inspire others to open their hearts, their minds, and their eyes to the world because life is more than just your journey and I'll explain what I mean in time.
Next, the meaning behind "Sorry-Life" is simple: before 2010 I wasn't living the life I was supposed to live. So, to my life, I am sorry. Plain and Simple...no further explanation needed lol.
Finally, I will, at times, blog about things in the news and/or entertainment field, but only if it's something that is truly in my heart to write about...in other words: it has to have meaning.
With that said, welcome to my new blog, I hope you enjoy and contribute!
